I meant to get some ideas down yesterday. So much happened. Autumnal Equinox, stock market “not a crash” crash. There’s more, but my brain is fatigued from learning Chinese. Yeah.
Why Americans are fat: It happened with 9/11 and I’m seeing it again with the mortgage crisis/stock market slump. It happens with poor people. When people are freaked out they eat. When people feel like they have no control they eat. When people can’t afford anything else they eat. When people feel like, “What’s the point? I’ve been denying myself and look what it’s got me?” They eat.
The world is ending. Let’s eat. Or I could be wrong.
September 24th, 2008
Mom is upset with me? That’s what my sister said. What did I do wrong? Let’s see…. I invited Mom to spend the night before her birthday so Sis wouldn’t have to drive so far for us all to go out to lunch. How dare I? If I hadn’t invited her, she wouldn’t be upset this morning.
How did my plans go so awry? Sis called yesterday. The meds guy at Mom’s retirement center called her to tell her that my mom had asked him to get her meds ready through Saturday. Sis wondered if I had changed the plans.
I can’t do this. My sister messes with my mind. I feel bad when I’m around her.
Ok. What may have happened: Mom gets sad that she can’t remember things. She calls sis to ask her what happened the day before. Sis thinks: Sis called Mom, Mom is upset, therefore Sis upset Mom.
Now, for the more discerning listerer: Mom had a go-round with her meds guy yesterday. Mom thought yesterday was the day she was getting picked up. She tells meds guy she needs her meds through Saturday. Mom says meds guy said she can’t go.
Meds guy calls sis to question plans. Sis tells him the actual plan. Sis calls me to tell me the story. Sis says she wondered if I’d changed the plans. She doesn’t say, “I know Mom gets things mixed up.” She doesn’t say, “I know that you’d have told me if you’d changed the plans.”
Next. This morning, as I’d promised, I phoned Mom to go over the plan for me to pick her up today. I waited until half an hour before she would be going down to breakfast. I still woke her up. I went over the plan that I would call her after my doctor appointment to tell her I was on my way, probably between 3:30 and 4. Could she be in her room? Yes. She would definitely be in her room.
Then she says, “Oh, wait. I don’t know about the medic. Something about the medic. What about that?”
“I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”
“The medic. The medic. I thought it was yesterday. The medic told me I couldn’t go for so long.”
“Oh. Ok. I think Sis spoke to someone yesterday. It’s ok. You just need your meds for tonight and tomorrow morning and I’d bring you back tomorrow afternoon.”
She is slurring her words. I reassure her that everything is fine. She hurries up and says goodby. I try to slow her down. “Ok, I’ll be calling you this afternoon.”
Fifteen minutes later Sis calls to say Mom doesn’t want to get picked up. If we want to come there it’s ok, but she doesn’t want to spend the night. Mom hadn’t wanted to call me. I felt brave. I asked if Mom was upset at me? “Well, yeah. I guess you woke her up.”
INSIGHT: They need a scapegoat. That was always the family dynamic.
It’s not that Mom’s confused. That isn’t sweet enough. No, if I can made Sis feel bad, that’s a home run.
So what now? My first inclination is to stay the heck away from both of them. My therapist would have advocated this. My husband says wait awile before making any decision. My husband thinks I should always put myself last. But I will at least wait until this afternoon and see how I feel then. Let’s see if I feel any more like hitting my head against the wall this afternoon than I do now.
September 10th, 2008