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Stalker sister

April 19th, 2008

I don’t think this got posted last wee.

On Friday, my sister lost her house key. She wanted to come up and get the spare she’d given to me. She waited until night, so I couldn’t overnite it to her. She wanted to come over Saturday. Oh, and how about going to lunch? Notice that she didn’t lose her car keys?

First I said ok. Then I got really angry. After stewing about it for a while, I phoned her and said I was going to overnite it to her so she didn’t have to make the trip. I hoped the UPS store was still open at 7 pm. It wasn’t. I felt a little panicked. I went to the post office, where they have a self service station for after hours.

Their “overnite” was going to cost sixteen dollars and wouldn’t get there until Tuesday, so I sent it priority for four dollars. I felt pretty nervous and guilty. And then, I told myself that it wasn’t my problem that she had lost her key, but she had tried to make it mine. And now that the key was in the mail, she couldn’t use it as an excuse to come up. Plus, I wasn’t the one who lost her key. I’m not her savior.

She texted me on my phone on Saturday to say it hadn’t come. I really needed some support, but I couldn’t risk getting negative feedback at the forum. As I kept trying to write an entry and erasing it, I realized I was in a victim mentality. I was hiding and she was threatening me.

I didn’t want to talk to her so she could send her poison to me. But I realized that I probably have the tools to recover from it. And if I don’t run, she can’t chase me. So I answered the email she wrote asking for a tracking number. I told her there was no tracking number and I’d sent it priority, so it was on the way. She received it on Monday.

I’ve been thinking about some things. One time I didn’t want to meet her and go shopping. She called me from a mall that was near me and asked if she could come by. I said ok. She came in the afternoon and stayed until dark. She finally left. The next week, my mother called me accusing me of something. “Did your sister come over and you didn’t invite her to spend the night and it was late?”

Today I realize that this is a big reason why I don’t do things with my sister. I would be ok with the first day, but I just don’t have the emotional energy to be with her overnight. And I’d been operating under the dread that I “had” to invite her for the night, because my mother yelled at me. (My sister acts all surprised and oh how nice when I have invited her to spend the night).

Another thing I think about is the time I sent her an email telling her that I don’t appreciate her hitting on my husband when I don’t feel like talking to her. She loathed me after that. I was just learning how to express my feelings so I didn’t have to be angry all the time. So a while later, I called her and she was all formal and distant. I asked her if something was wrong, and the dam broke. How dare I send her an email so that she would have it to read over and over. That was an unforgivable thing to do. She accused me of all kinds of things. Since that, I have avoided telling her anything. And avoided her.

She was a mean bitter person who made her family miserable. Her husband finally left her when her sons had grown. After faking it and saying she had all kinds of friends, when she became alone, she told me I was the only person she had to talk to.

I’m tired. I have to stop for now. I tried. I really did. Even tho I didn’t like her as a person, I tried to be there. But she keeps taking and taking and gives nothing back. I just wish she’d leave me alone. I just realized I have her pie plate. That’s another excuse for her. If she demands to get it, I’m going to send her the money. What are they? Four dollars at the grocery store?

I really hope I’m not a terrible person for feeling this way.

Entry Filed under: Boundaries