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Easter sister

March 24th, 2008

Last weekend I called my sister. She was stuttering and said she’d been sent to the ER by her pdoc. They ran tests, but didn’t keep her. She was outraged that they suggested she was suffering from anxiety. The idea that she was doing this to herself. I tried to explain that anxiety is a real thing, but it didn’t help.

I want to say this, but I’m judging myself, so it’s hard. I’m tired of rescuing her. I don’t invite her to my home because she comes here and then has anxiety attacks. I tried to help, but it seemed that she wasn’t willing to help herself. I have a strong feeling that she’s being passive aggressive, hoping someone will “save” her. But I’m no Savior.

Then there’s my mother. She called me to say my sister was sounding odd. She was stuttering. I acted like that was news to me. My mother decided there must not be anything wrong with my sister. She called a couple days later and said my sister must be doing ok. Even though she hadn’t talked to her again.

This may sound crazy, and it is. I feel that I’ve put my time in already - with my father. I was the only one there when he needed to be hospitalized. And he’d been in and out of the hospital since I was fifteen years old. I spent most of my life visiting him in the hospital until he died. I’m not willing to do that again with my sister. I think one of her sons went back to the middle east so he didn’t have to deal with her problems.

Entry Filed under: self discovery