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Withdrawal from the energy bank

January 18th, 2008

    I started to feel sick to my stomach. The energy was being sucked from my body.  I…quick, breathe in the white light. By the time my husband had left for work, my body was zinging with alarm.

Already this morning I had put on the headphones and was listening to a seminar at Berkeley with David Lynch on transcendental meditation and film. That was to neutralize the anxiety I get when he turns on the radio in the middle of the night when he can’t sleep. It’s this call in show about ufo sightings and weird happenings. That stuff really gets to me.  And then he rolls over and hugs me. Smothers me.

This is the man I plan to spend the rest of my life with. I’m going to find a way to make it work. I have two long shelves of books to guide me.
Last week he told me he is going to look for a new job. - long story.  Outward I’m supportive; inward I’m panicking. I know with the end of football season that something is coming. It comes every year, this sense of loss and not knowing what to do with himself, when he turns all that football energy on me. My neat little life is in for an upheaval.

I’ve calmed myself down and now I reach out to him. I send him my love, but I sense there’s a vast emptiness in him that I cannot fill. I send him off, wishing him all good things. Maybe I’ll try transcendental meditation.

Entry Filed under: Positive Energy