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Add comment February 18th, 2009

One – a necessary number

This is a rant about my MIL and how she disrespects me. Because I’m reading Outliers and remember how every time I tried to share knowledge with her, she shoots me down and I feel like a moron. The best way I have of protecting myself is to offer nothing. Really, all she wants is someone to talk at. I could purge myself of this anger-stain if I could find validation of my thoughts, of me.

I want out of this frustrating place. I look around and see everything as failure. What pill, what drink, what food, what amount of sleep will free me? I thought death would free me until my husband asked me to promise we’d be together for eternity. What am I supposed to say? If I’m honest, he’ll be

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angry. If I lie, I’m sure it will come to pass.

I can’t keep negative thoughts at bay. Every memory is of defeat. I would go out, but in my frame of mind, I can’t bear people’s rudeness and agression. I don’t post to forum because I can’t risk getting an unfriendly or critical response. I post as a patient. I will come back, hopefully, as a physician and heal myself.

Add comment February 9th, 2009

I’ll feel bad later

I so wanted to bemoan ha

February 3rd, 2009

The spotted dog; the dog spotted.


Plus learning how to do a kind of url.


Add comment January 25th, 2009

Could my head really explode?

Never really questioned that expression before.  My world is expanding. There used to be an occupation called “writer.”  Everyone wanted to be one. I was thinking about this as I was reading someone’s twitter and blog. Now anyone can publish their book on Amazon. Then they can talk about it in their blogs so people can go buy it. I think the people most likely to buy their book will be ebook readers, so they should make it available to the Kindle store.

Add comment January 23rd, 2009

One more day

I thought my mom was going to die. She was going to have a heart catheterization and we were pretty sure the news was going to be bad. I played this song for her to try to express what she meant to me. Her reaction? She was embarassed. She said, “Oh, this is a song for lovers.” Then I was embarassed. BTW, she didn’t die. She’s still alive and raising Hell.

by Diamond Rio

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me,
It could be for anything
I didn’t ask for money

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I simply wished, for one more day with you


One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I’d be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more

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day with you

First thing I’d do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I’d unplug the telephone
And keep the tv off
I’d hold you every second
Say a million I love you’s
That’s what I’d do. With one more day with you


Leave me wishing still for one more day
Leave me wishing still for one more day

Add comment December 18th, 2008

A very unusual season

I’m still waiting for it to feel like Halloween, or any sign of Fall for that matter. For some reason my body clock hasn’t dinged on the holiday season.

The holidays are tricky. They are usually stressed and depressed. Overwhelming at the least. Not so much this year. What’s different? What’s new? Who cares? If it doesn’t stick, it’s unlikely that I’ll be able to duplicate the circumstances anyway.

I’m finally recovering from a cold that began last Friday. I was miserable every day, until today. I’m

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finally feeling some energy. Maybe that’s it. First, it kept me home and mostly in bed. It made me turn my mothering skills upon myself:Â vaporizer, vick’s, chicken soup, 7-up, crackers, orange juice. I’d only done those things for my little boy; it never occured to me that I might benefit from the same regimen.

Second, guests loaded us up with cookies. For the last month, I had no control over my eating. Anything I wanted, anytime. I was super tired, so I drank coffee, cola, iced tea, more coffee….. Getting sick was just the interruption that I needed. My appetite

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seems to be under control. Thank Goodness.

Today I did some Giftmas shopping on the net. It didn’t have the previous feeling of having money sucked from my bank account; there was a sense of balance. I recommend everyone get a cold and stay in bed for a week.

Add comment December 12th, 2008


So I bought _A Moveable Feast_ by Hemingway and I’m thinking, “Hmmm, I wonder about Gertrude Stein…?” I

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go to the Kindle store and download a sample of _Autobio of Alice B. Toklas_. Then I get a sample of David Sedaris’ _When You Are Engulfed in Flames_ and he’s talking about Paris too! It’s like total synchronicity. I feel like life is finally moving at the pace of my interests. Maybe I’ll learn French with Rosetta Stone. Which reminds me…I thought about getting a Chinese dictionary, but Rosetta is total immersion and the sample dictionaries take you out of Chinese into English. What I really wanted was a book of pictures with the Chinese word (apple – ping guo), kind of a See Jane Run kind of a book.

Add comment November 4th, 2008

Stone soup

I got my Kindle. It was so exciting. It was packaged like a gift. Then I had buyer’s remorse for a couple of hours. Then I bought a book. Then I fell in love.

I made soup yesterday. It’s supposed to be Fall isn’t it? So soup. Except it didn’t feel like Fall. But we really like Tortellini Soup. It’s full of vegies, so I consider it a good vitamin boost at this time of year.

So, Fall. Halloween didn’t feel a bit like Haloween this year. Why? The days were getting shorter; the weather was a tad bit cooler. Oh, I get it. We hadn’t changed

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the clocks yet. As soon as we did that this morning, the goofy, slightly-off feeling set in.

Maybe that’s why Halloween is so natural at this time of year. We’re all a little off (except Arizona, I think), so spooky sounds right.

Add comment November 2nd, 2008

It’s official; I’m a drone

Yes. I watched Oprah. I bought a Kindle. It should arrive in a few days.

I did it

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again. This was posed to publish over a week ago, but I hit the wrong button. Duh.

Add comment November 2nd, 2008

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